I really don’t consider myself a vain person. When people compliment me, I usually think they’re complimenting my makeup, or blow out because on most days, I certainly did not wake up like this. I am not the girl with 1000 selfies on my phone a day. I almost never snap a pic at a red light, and if I do, I definitely delete later. But have you ever felt enslaved to something? You really wanted to get away from it but you just couldn’t? For some people, it’s one more episode of a Grey’s Anatomy netflix binge. For some it’s as simple as sugar or soda, for some of us, it’s much bigger
like drugs or alcohol. This week, God revealed to me that I am a slave to vanity.
I can tell you I have been a slave to so. many. things.
and the list goes on. I never would have thought conceit was on this list.
Romans 7:15 details it perfectly “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do.” Whoa. I have definitely had this experience. Something as basic as not eating anymore of the chocolate covered almonds I’ve hidden in my freezer, I have felt like I had no control as I pop 2, 3, 4 more. But why???
Lately. I have been obsessed with getting my body fat to 19% I don’t know what my obsession is with this number. It is the percentage that I felt really good at when I was in prep for my show. I ended up at 16% for the show. I feel like 19% is reasonable. I just can’t seem to hit it. I’ll get to 20.1% and then have a cheat meal (not approved by my coach) and back up it goes. I know this may seem stupid but it has become something I think about every day I wake up, every time I eat, every workout. I was doing extra cardio just to get there faster and nothing has been working.
I cried out to my coach yesterday in frustration. And she said the worse thing she could’ve said to me. Take a break. No gym for a week…I can’t even go there. What?!?!?! This is NOT what I wanted to hear. I feel like I’ve been fired.
So I went home with my tail between my legs and sat down at my table, deflated. I remembered I am supposed to be going through the biblical verses of the 12 steps of sobriety, I figured spending some time with God would make me feel better. Little did I know that God would smack me in the face with my vanity. At one point I was a slave to my addiction. Today. I am a slave to my body fat. But no where does my body composition have anything to do with the fruits of the spirit or righteousness. I am not a glutton or lethargic, I am healthy. My dietary behavior is not a sin. I am not anorexic or bulimic. I believe I have a healthy relationship with food.
Phillipians 2:3 says “Do nothing out of selfishness or vain conceit.” Looking back through my life, I can tell you everything I’ve done has been out of selfish ambition and vain conceit! I may not take 1000 pictures a day of my body but I definitely check it in every mirror I pass. How are my delts looking? Are my biceps growing? Ab check? Yup, yup, yup.
Step 3 in AA talks about turning your will over to God. The bible verse that coincides is Romans 12:1. “Offer your body as living sacrifices, hold and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship.” WOAH.
Taking some time away from the gym will definitely be hard for me, but seeing how badly I need to commit my walk to God like I’ve committed to my fitness goals makes it easier.
What are you feeling enslaved to?